Bullies
Posted by: Ren at 12:14 pm on June 8, 2009
Mood: Frothing @ the mouth

Every so often, the world sees fit to remind me that though the big Global issues are of dramatic interest, sometimes you find the most profound drama exists right there under your own roof.

Friday after I brought my daughter home from school, she asked me if her right cheek looked different than normal. I felt her cheek, and proceeded to ask if it was make up, skin lotion, etc. She shook her head to each of my inquiries, with an unusually detatched expression that made me more and more concerned.

Finally, she explained that she'd been slapped at day care.

Slapped.

I know this won't translate in the unpausing readability of this blog, but you need to realize that each time I try to imagine that, I have to take a deep breath to calm myself and not mentally reach through this internet to beat the living $h!t out of anyone who has ever struck ANY child.

The story of it all is that an older child who is in her same day care room has been struggling all year with the notion that she believes herself to be the most popular girl there. Really what it boils down to is that she's the most bullying presence there, and has frightened a lot of the younger children into going along with it. She's a bully, plain and simple.

Friday was this bully's birthday. She announced to all the other children that, as it was her birthday, she was going to decide what games they would all play. My daughter asked to be involved, but the bully told her that SHE could not.

Then the bully turned to my daughter's best friend ( a little boy with whom she shares a ravenous enjoyment of Pokemon ) and told him that HE could play, but not my daughter.

He whispered to my daughter that she could play too, but just stay a short ways off to be like a spy and play with him while he played with her and the other children that the bully permitted to play with her. The bully apparently noticed my daughter's proximity and pulled my daughter's friend aside to talk to him.

A few moments later, he approached my daughter and slapped her across the face.

Go ahead, take a few moments here, again, to settle the adrenaline.

She didn't cry when he hit her - maybe it was from the shock at the unexpected action, I don't know. She's never been slapped before, and aside from a few random spankings - the single swat on her diapered bottom to get her attention in a tantrum from when she was a toddler - she's never been struck at all. Certainly, never in anger or out of hostility. But she pushed him away from her and turned to leave.

The bully approached and told her she couldn't play with them, but Jillie pushed her hands away, more than once. She finally left them altogether, and went off by herself to read. A bit later, her friend came over and asked her to play Pokemon with her, but she told him no.

When she told me this all in detail later, she finally broke down in tears, saying that he'd broken her heart.

* deep breath *

God, there is some kind of hell waiting for people like this, I hope. Or at least for the parents responsible for training and/or unleashing a beast like that.

Over the course of the weekend, we've talked a lot about this. We've reviewed the child care company's policy, which includes a philosophy of providing a "safe, loving homelike atmosphere that will foster the social, motor and cognitive development of each child" in their care.

I guess this is one of the next big tests of me as a father. I want to fix this - I want to undo the damage to my little girl that this bully and her unwitting tool have done to my daughter. Even so, I realize that this is undoubtedly just the latest in a series of heartaches she will experience in her lifetime, and I can't protect her from them all. I probably can't actually protect her from any of them.

I can only try to help her become stronger in her own personal development, and be there for her when she comes home, in tears.

We try to teach her - in anticipation of the cruel people who live out their pathetic lives in an effort to drive their own needs over the top of anyone who they believe gets in their way - how to respond, how to keep herself above the fray, that sort of thing. I've even taught her a few good things to say to draw her out of the intended conflict.

And I have to resist the urge to teach her more, though. You know, the usual - nerve clusters, scathing insults, stuff like that.

The only even remotely funny bit of all this is having watched all the attention North Korea's been getting lately.

Well, okay, not "funny." How about "allegorical" ?